TIRED OF GETTING NOTHING BUT DISRESPECT FROM WORTHLESS PEON MORTALS AND DASTARDLY RULE-AND-REGULATION-SPEWING BUREAUCRATIC DROIDS? HERE IN THIS AGE WARPED BY THE LIFE-NUMBING EFFECTS OF THE HUMAN MIND MANY CHILDREN OF CHAOS ARE FINDING THEMSELVES ENMESHED IN THE SUFFOCATING, SOULSAPPING WEB OF
...BAD CREDIT!

Bad credit got you down? Finding yourself having to threaten the very lives of the barkeeps and scumbag pimps you have to deal with every day just to get even a few watered-down DRINKS and even one lousy (and yes, we really DO mean lousy as in infested with lice) WENCH????
Well...well...well... wallow in misery no longer, my child, we have the credit card just for you....

Click here or be eaten

Just listen to what some of our satified customers have to say!!!

I never leave Melniboné without my trusty blade, Stormbringer ....unless of course I have along my trusty plastic friend, ChaosCard(tm). ChaosCard gives me the power I crave without having to resort to herbal preparations or to drinking the souls of my friends.
-Elric of Melniboné

It's no picnic being an Old One here and now in the last days of the postmodern age. A lot of people simply don't recognize us any more. Used to be being 100' tall and having an octopoid head meant something to people. But now, with my ChaosCard(tm) I can appear on the Earth plane before the postapocolytpic age and still enjoy the respect I so richly deserve. Now, get out of my way, appetizer! I have some 8-dimensional shapeshifters to devour!
-Cthulu

Yes, you too can aquire the one card accepted in all 666 layers of the Abyss! Just sign below on the dotted line and you can revel in conspicious consumption right alongside the most powerful Demon Lords and vicious nether-badasses imaginable, in up to 11-dimensional planes! Until YOU are (conspiciously) consumed, that is! Join now and you may be considered for membership in our exclusive Chaos KryptonitePlatinum(tm) and be the envy of your rivals everywhere and elsewhere on all the knowable and unknowable planes of existance!!!

DISCLAIMER: ChaosVisa assumes no responsibility for insanity caused by gazing into the meta-quasi-hologram present on every card. Now you can't say we didn't warn you, mortal! ChaosVisa also hereby disclaims all responsibility for enslavement, disfigurement, or any other injury of any kind up to and including being eaten by a hideous 200-headed snow serpent or any other being. The bodies and souls of all cardholders are permenanlty and irrevocably the property of ChaosVisa, Inc. a subsidiary of T.H.E.M. All lawsuits will be settled summarily by the exquisitely painful torture, mutilation, and devouring of any and all plaintiffs and their attourneys. Don't fuck with the forces of Chaos! You have been warned....