My body KNEW I was going to have to be back on the bus at 11 am sharp. That must be why I woke a scant 4 hours later, at 10. There could be no other reason anyone sane or insane would possibly ever awaken at that time in my state. It was quite possibly the very Worst. Hangover. Ever.

Just awful.

Unlike yesterday, it was a beautiful, sunny morning! The guy a few tents away noted this, and said he could deal with it.

I tried to be positive. I mumbled back in the very faint whisper that was all I could muster, yes. i could deal with this all day. It was supposed to be funny. I even tried to smile. and failed.

I walked about 10' into the woods to pee. That actually felt good. Maybe I am still alive after all...

I managed to pack my things and my tent in about half an hour. It usually would have taken me all of 5 minutes. I was still amazed it had only taken a half hour. I hoisted my bags and made my way to the front porch to leave my bags before I went in to have some water. I decided it might be fun to take a few morning pictures

and then...

I took out my camera and turned it on. No picture. LCD *DEAD* flat black lines against grey. No No NOOOO I howled!

It seemed like such a big deal! My addled mind was taking it really, REALLY seriously. It was as if I was locked in a cage and someone had taken my one true love and killed her, painfully, before me just to film the look on my face so he watch it on his VCR and laugh, and laugh, right in front of me. I must have seemed like such a baby to the people there. But they were still all very nice to me. Melissa even brought me a cup of water. I was grateful. I tried to smile at them a little to express my gratitude. and failed.

Then there was an insanely heavy black bathtub which was partially buried in the ground. It was considered a good time to get a lot of people to help move it into a shed. Someone suggested that I join in to get my mind off the camera. It seemed like a good idea.

Six pallbearers volunteered for the detail. I think it made a difference, a little, that I helped. I'm not quite sure though. In any event, the mission was accomplished.

Soon, the bus arrived. Whelp. This is it. The bus driver loaded all our bags on for us, as we handed them to him. April gave me a big hug. That was so nice of her. I suddenly realized it was also the only hug I had given/received for the entire party. I am a very aloof person, so it doesn't often occur to me to hug anyone.

The bus pulled off from the Farm. As we rolled down the road, I noticed all these signs that said Lust was running for supreme court! It would have been cool to have my camera still working to take some pictures. I took it out and tapped on it. No use.

Some German art film was playing for abour half the ride. It consisted of a very long chain reaction of engineering genius involving tires and flammable chemicals and untwisting trash bags, bottles, various household objects all set up to knock each other ponderously along toward an end I can't remember. I may not have been watching, as it was making my head hurt worse. It was in black and white. Well now that I think about it, it wasn't, but it seemed like it was. It made me feel the Doom. the Dismal Doom. It was a very fitting hangover movie.

Simultaneously, the guy behind me wanted to make conversation. I tried to be polite and converse back. I failed. But it took a little while to fail. The effort made my head hurt worse.

There was this movie which was play-acted out all with Barbie dolls about the Carpenters and about Karen Carpenter's anorexia in particular. I used to think anorexics were sexy. I probably would have loved to do Karen Carpenter. She had such a sweet voice. My friend's cat, who died, used to love Karen Carpenter's voice too. I thought about that cat, and I was sad. Someone mentioned the guy who made the movie had gotten sued by the Carpenters and also by Mattel.

I noticed a lumber place called DYKE LUMBER. I thought it would be cool if my camera worked so that I could take a picture. I took it out on tapped on the LCD screen. No dice.

We arrived on 33rd and 9th. the Cheyenne Diner again. I had heard they made a really good bacon grilled cheese sandwich. I was not hungry. At all. Melisa, TJ, Erica, and some guy whose name I don't know were all getting ready to eat at the same booth while I peeked over from the next, and the waitress didn't like the look of me, so she tried to make me sit at the bar, to get me out of the way. I decided to leave.

No one liked the look of me that day.

I went to get some water at a corner store up the street. People were making fucked up comments to each other just after they passed me, or just glancing and saying 'whoa' or 'phew' or snickering. I knew I looked very fucked up. Like a bum, a hippie, and a ghoul all rolled into one. And people love to see someone worse off than them.

You would be hard pressed to find someone who looked worse than me that day.

When I made eye contact, I would receive a grimace of disgust. Or a leer. I tried to wonder if I was just being paranoid. I knew I wasn't.

I got to the train station 35 minutes before the train was supposed to leave. It was 30 miutes late.

I kept seeing water dripping off the ceiling. The floor was dry. I was hallucinating! wow. That's not good.

They kept lengthening the amount of time on the 'how many minutes late' column on the screen that shows what trains are coming up. Finally it switched to 'STAND BY' as if the train was going to be so late they didn't even want to tell us how late any more. I managed to make a pretty girl smile by making a joke about it. Slowly...life seeps back into my bod...

THE TUNNEL

After we boarded the train, I kept thinking about some paranoia-inducing propaganda I had heard that 'terrorists' were planning another attack, this time on the rail system. I had pictured a collapsing tunnel, my last inhalation being black, greasy Hudson River water. I looked out the window and watched metal strut bases of the high tension wires off in the distance. And all the trees. at night. In the distance. WHILE WE WERE IN THE TUNNEL!!!! Holy Shit! I am hallucinating AGAIN! For some reason it was extremely annoying. I shut my eyes tight and opened them again. The bleak, benighted woods were still passing by, along with the high tension wires. and we were going down, down, always down. WE WERE ON THE TRAIN TO HELL!!!! Suddenly we burst forth into harsh daylight!!!

In New Jersey.

A Puerto Rican mom was sitting next to me, surrounded by her family. She seemed kind of nice. I was too exhausted to make any more convesation than 'I hope I can sleep. I'm soo tired.' She smiled quickly. I actually managed to pass out around New Brunswick. When I awoke, she and hers were gone. I got to stretch out a little.

Next train was Trenton to Philly. I got on board quickly. Soon I had to pee. I was sure as soon as I got off, the train would leave.

The train didn't leave for 45 minutes.

This ride was creepy. An Acela raced by at 200+ mph about 1 inches from ours and made the whole train shudder violently. The young guy behind me gasped 'holy shit!' and it reminded me of terrorist attacks again. I muttered grimly, 'Good thing that was on the right track..' which made the older man in front of me chuckle. '..or there would be nothing left of our train..at all,' I finished, unnecessarily. Someone across the way commented on it to the conductor, who laughed just a bit and said he was used to it.

We got back to Philly in one piece. I was so glad to be here so I could piss!

They had closed off the Gallery mall so I couldn't walk right across to the subway as planned. So, I had to climb up to the street and climb back down to the subway. After taking a piss, I was so relived that I really didn't mind though.

They are rebuilding our el stop so that I had to climb up and over a bridge to the other platform so I could get down here to the street. It was an extra added annoyance, but I was so glad to finally be here, fully 11 hours after boarding the bus at the farm, I didn't really mind that either.

When I got back here, for some reason I couldn't sleep just yet, so I started to make this site right away. That was only 3 days ago. wow. It seems like so much longer.

epilogue

***what did I do last night?***contents***epilogue***